Joy Forever

I’ve heard it said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Lately, I have been discovering that beauty is often overlooked. Oftentimes, more often than not, we do not gaze deep enough to see true beauty. We pass it by, distracted by the kind of ‘beauty’ that tantalizes, entices, but is nothing more than a façade.

To look upon true beauty, you have to get down on your knees. Get your hands dirty and get out of your comfort zones. Let go of every material thing, forsake it all, count it as dung, and start to plunge into the muck and the mire. Dig in the trash heaps that the world has written off as garbage, and soak your hands in soapy water, grab a sponge, and begin to scrape away the layers of filth until you hit upon the treasures unlooked for, the neglected castaways. Open your eyes to the hidden gems, buried in the rubble of despair and neglect.

It will not be easy. It cannot be. To see it, you have to let go of everything you once held as dear. You will be ridiculed. They will not understand, but I tell you this: embark upon this journey, and you will by no means regret your decision. And you will never be the same.

You will see the materialism for what it truly is, stripped of all glamour and sophistication. It is superficial and utterly worthless. And you will uncover the ‘pearl of great price.’ Invest your one wild and beautiful life in others for the sake of Jesus Christ and you will find true beauty in the most unexpected of places. It will be the little things that you were too consumed to notice before – a shy smile of gratefulness from a tiny, waiflike child with a swollen belly and eyes too large for her little head. An earsplitting grin and thankful, joy-filled eyes, a father of six young children, now enabled to support his growing family with a steady job. It will be the families in your community who are overlooked, with needs unspoken. Take time out of your day to listen to the cares of the burdened heart, pray over their life, and offer encouragement. Mentor the young, care-worn mother, and begin to notice when she is overwhelmed. You will become attuned to others’ needs, and count them as more important than your own.

Many a man has set out to uncover beauty, hoping to find fulfillment, unveiling only emptiness. True beauty, the soul-wrenching, lasting, fulfilling beauty, cannot be bought. Nor can it be conjured up. It does not fade. It is not found in the obvious places. It does not rely on the senses. And it comes at a high cost.

If you have embarked upon this journey, my friend, then you know of what I speak. You see this beauty every day. Your joy is filled to overflowing. No other thing in this world compares. But be forewarned: you cannot cling to both materialism and the true beauty in Christ. You must choose one over the other, forsaking the one and embracing the other. For none of us can serve two masters. And think on this: perhaps true beauty is not in the eye of the beholder, but rather, realized when the beholder sees worth in the eyes of the beheld.

I am not of this world. I am a spiritual being in a physical world. I do not do any of this for my own gain. How could I? It was not below Christ, neither is it too much of Him to expect any less from me. Or from you. Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many. Matthew 20:28

True Gifts { they keep giving }

I just finished my book, that wonderful gift from my Mom. 'I think you will like this book, Kelsey. Her writing style is similar to yours. A sort of poetry...' And so I embarked on my journey, into One Thousand Gifts, through the pages of Ann's story: her search for joy, and her discovery - eucharisteo. It all came back to thanks, to gratitude, and the giving of the gifts back to the Giver. Her words resounded in me, because I, too, have stumbled up this truth.

Spend the whole of your one wild and beautiful life in investing in many lives, and God simply will not be outdone. God extravagantly pays back everything we give away and exactly in the currency that is not of this world but the one we yearn for: Joy in Him.

It is when our lives become an outpouring of His unending joy that we can truly experience the fullness of the life He wants us to live. Do not hold back.

As we celebrate Christmas, let us now forget His ultimate gift. He gave everything. God laid down all of His fullness into all of the emptiness.

Christian hands never clasp

and He doesn't give gifts for gain

because a gift can never stop being a gift -

it is always meant to be given.

These past seven months have been a wonderful gift to me. Christ has lavished me with countless gifts, and the more I reflect upon them, the more I find to be thankful for. My focus is directed upward, and my love flows outward. True Christianity is a gift that keeps on giving, and never stops. A beautiful, wonder-filled, immeasurable gift from the Father to His beloved children, one that they continue to give back until the end of time.

Our expression of thanks becomes a blessing, and our outpouring of love to others is the gift back to Christ. Beautiful in its simplicity, astounding in its magnitude. The gift that gives on...

Ponderings

Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel. Isaiah 7:14 For with God, nothing shall be impossible. Luke 1:37

This Christmas season, I have been pondering the Christmas story. A young virgin, betrothed to a carpenter, in a small town of no consequence, is visited by an angel. The Holy Spirit of God overshadowed her, and she conceived the Son of God Almighty, fulfilling the prophecy of Isaiah, that a virgin shall conceive and bear a son. To all appearances, young Mary was carrying an illegitimate child, fatherless, a bastard son. Wishing to save her honor and her life, Joseph desired to put her away quietly. While it was yet a thought in his mind, an angel of the Lord visited him in a dream. And Joseph took Mary as his wife. They traveled to Bethlehem, the City of David, and Mary gave birth to the Son of God in a stable, placing him in a manger, for there was no room for them in the inn.

And thus, Jesus, Son of God, filled His tiny lungs with air, was held by human hands, inhaled straw and manure, and was wrapped in swaddling cloths to protect his body from the cold. What a lowly entrance. Such a humble beginning. Yet this is how Christ came to earth.

In my goings and comings to and from the Bennett Clinic here in Olongapo, I see many pregnant women, young and old. I have heard their babies cry out as they breathe in their first bits of air, and it is a beautiful sound. I was filled with deep sadness on the day when a blue baby girl was born. She did not cry. But we did. It was the first death in our six months of operation.

I am discovering that joy and sorrow, laughter and pain, are intermingled in our lives. As humans, we have our share of the ugly and the beautiful. We rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who weep. We have cause for rejoicing, because the clinic has just celebrated their 100^th birth. One hundred precious little lives have been welcomed into the world.

Our time here in Olongapo has been a wonderful season in our lives. We have established meaningful relationships, and feel as though we are part of the Eheler’s family – as much time as we spend with them. Their girls remind me of my sisters, and they all call me ‘Aunty Kelsey.’ I love all of the midwives, and have enjoyed getting to know them during our time here. Our Aeta friends and their families greet us with warm smiles, and their shyness has worn off. They used to be intimidated by John’s towering size, but now they can joke around with him on the job. When they learned of our departure date, they all cried out in unison, ‘we will miss you!’ Part of our hearts will stay here, in Olongapo.

We can look back over our seven months of time spent in country and marvel at what we have accomplished, but all glory goes to Christ. It is in Him and through Him that we have been equipped to help the team at Mercy In Action. We have seen how He has orchestrated our lives, events, circumstances, all to further His kingdom. It has been such an honor to serve Him here in the Philippines.

During our time here, I have seen John grow, being shaped by Christ. Initially uncomfortable in his role of leadership, John stepped up to the challenges and made crucial decisions. He has taken on more responsibilities, yet he does not let the weight of it overwhelm him. In tense situations, he is the peace-maker, smoothing out the difficulties and working through the issues. He is patient, and humble, and much more than I deserve in a husband. I could not be more thankful for him.

Our lives as a married couple have been filled with joy. I feel so alive when I am with John. He is a gift from God, and I love being by his side. We have been knit even closer this year, and we are looking forward to the years ahead. While I do not know what all lies before us, I can say with confidence that we will follow Christ down whatever path He leads us down. To whatever end. With Mary, I say, My soul doth magnify the Lord. Luke 1:46

Ever Sweetness

We are coming upon our first anniversary. The occasion will mark a year of marriage, of bliss, happiness, and a time of discovery. We have both grown, and have learned much along the way. The first month was like an extension of our honeymoon, and following upon the heels of our return to reality - when we both returned to our jobs - our union continued to flourish.

It was on both of our hearts to serve people, and we had felt a desire to travel overseas to help an organization in the Philippines. When the opportunity presented itself, we followed Christ's calling and committed to spending a year in Olongapo, Philippines, to work with Mercy In Action. Only eight months into our marriage, we stepped out in faith and began a new adventure together.

Through it all, we have drawn ever closer to each and to the heart of God. I cannot say that it has been a cakewalk, but it has been a beautiful story, and I look forward to seeing how it unfolds in the years to come. I would not trade my life for anything. This joy that I have runs deep, and the love that I have for John is immeasurable. Without fathom.

These eleven months have been the best of my life. Christ has truly blessed me beyond measure, and I cannot thank Him enough. To John, the love of my life:

You told me you had no riches
No life of comfort to offer me
Nor aspirations to obtain great wealth
Fortunate for you that I care not for such things

You said that you were just a man
That you would sometimes disappoint
And I shouldn't have high expectations
I love who you are, not dwelling on who you're not

And I wouldn't change this love
Not for the world
I have never known this bliss
Until I knew you

You promised to take me places
Saying that we would travel the world
Countries in need, desperate for Christ
How wonderful that my desire mirrored yours

You gave your word to love and cherish
And told me that you'd never let me go
You always wanted me by your side
And it so happened that I was happiest with you

And I wouldn't change this love
No, not for the world
I have never known this bliss
Until I knew you

John and Kelsey, established October 10, 2010. May our love be ever sweet.

She Says

‘When I grow up, I want to be just like you.’ They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, and yet as the eight year old Maiya stood there staring into my eyes, I could hardly meet her gaze. They were shining with admiration.

I did not quite know what to say to her. And yet, if I could have found my tongue, I should have replied, ‘If you want to be like me, my advice to you is this. Follow Jesus. Love Him with all of your heart, and never turn to another. Let Him fill you up with His love. Don't try to be like me.’

Instead, I said, ‘Do you now?’ and let the comment slide, deflecting it with a flippant response. The longer I live, the more I find that the qualities I admire in others are usually a reflection of Christ. So if Maiya sees anything in me, I pray it is Him. I pray that her young heart seeks after His with a fervent passion.

I remember back when I was her age. I looked up to a young woman, a godly lady. I told her that I wanted to grow up to be like her. And now I find myself years later, roles reversed, taken by surprise. Maiya was not the first girl to tell me this. So I will continue to strive hard after Christ, pursuing His glory. If they see anything in me, may it be Him. I pray she sees Jesus.

Not About Me

In many ways, this trip to the Philippines has not turned out how I had envisioned it would. Though I tried to come over with no expectations, I have been finding out more and more that I had my fair share of them. I expected that it would be challenging, and it has been. And yet I had thought it to be more taxing physically, rather than mentally so. And that it has been spiritually taxing should have come as no surprise, but I confess that I have been taken aback several times by the spiritual attacks.

I came here and I had to start from scratch. We created an outdoor kitchen bit by bit, surviving in the early weeks on tuna sandwiches. While we have a better handle on our cooking now, it was and sometimes still is a struggle for me to be upbeat about buk-buk bugs and constant showers of bamboo powder sprinkling down on clean dishes and food items, or even cooking in the midst of Hurricane Nina's ferocity. I am learning to be thankful in every situation. I will bless the Lord at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth. It is one thing to memorize verses like these in Sunday School as a six year old child, and quite another to put it into practice in the midst of a mental breakdown. He is slowly teaching me that this is not about me.

We came to build a clinic on the property that we currently live on, and as yet, we have not begun. Three of our team members have returned home, and four now remain to work on the task that has been placed on hold due to permit issues. Frustration? Yes, at times. But Jesus is showing us how to broaden our vision. The past three months have been filled with projects, including bettering the temporary clinic by finishing out a birthing room and adding on another room in the back, almost doubling the available square footage, and fixing mechanical issues with the ambulance and other modes of transportation. We are currently in the process of building a CR on the second level, making it much more accessible for everyone. I am thankful for the blessing of concrete stairs over the roughly hewn steps in the mud, because they hold up so much better in the rain. Thou hast enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip. Psalm 18:36

I am learning over and over the valuable lesson that people are more important than things. Things in this instance is not limited to possessions, or items, but includes my sleep, my next meal, my time. It is the putting away of my wants and my 'needs' to focus on someone else who needs to be built up and encouraged. I have been stretched further than I thought I was capable of being moved, and am learning that His ways are so much higher than mine. I am humbled by Jesus.

I really never have a legitimate reason to complain. Each Saturday, John and I drive the ambulance to the city landfill to pick up pregnant patients, bringing them back to the clinic on Bennet Road for their prenatal visits. Each week, they greet us with beautiful smiles and shining faces. Each week my eyes take in their surroundings, a fenced in area filled with reeking garbage and swarming with flies. People work in the landfill, sorting out the recyclable bits from the waste. On hot, sunny days, cardboard lies out to dry on the concrete, and on the rainy, wet days, they sort plastics into bags. Their homes are nearby, but even these sometimes make my neepa hut seem like a haven of warmth and comfort. Whenever I am tempted to complain, I am pricked by the realization that I have no grounds for my ungratefulness.

I am learning, being taught by a patient Teacher. He is kind, and He is humble, and He is ever calling me upward and onward. All to the glory of my King.

Chongville

This piece was written by Kelly Chong, one of the ladies who came and worked with Mercy In Action for a month. It was wonderful to get to know her during her stay here, and to see her humble spirit and love of Christ. She will be returning to Olongapo with her husband and children in January, and I look forward to meeting them and seeing her again. To read more about Kelly's impressions during her month's stay in Olongapo, read her blog, as her writing is introspective and is a reflection of Jesus' love for His people. You can check out her writings at Chongville.

You are in the broken places;

On Bennett Road

Iram and 12th Street.

You hang out on the street corners,

And walk the alleys.

You know their names;

You formed each one

Like there was no one else on earth

For You.

Who cries out for justice?

We are so good

At shaking off the dust

And washing our feet;

As you bend in the mire

And sob

Over Your Beloved.

Lighting Up: #4

He gave me lights! When I opened up our neepa hut door at dusk tonight, a soft, warm glow danced around the room and illuminated the room inside. When I looked upwards, my delighted eyes beheld four hanging orbs suspended from our vaulted ceiling. They were utterly whimsical and so lovely to look upon, and I was so surprised.

These lights are made out of shells and are formed in the shape of an octagon, similar to a soccer ball. I was enchanted by them the first time I laid eyes on them at an outdoor restaurant cafe in Olongapo. And now they cast down their mellow glow from our neepa hut.

The outer shells are pearlescent in sheen. It comforts me, having these orbs of light in our home. John is so good to me. He was pleased at my surprise...I love him immeasurably.

Rainwalking: #3

Tonight John and I walked home from the clinic. It had just begun to sprinkle raindrops as we made our way down Bennet Road, but the drops grew in size and intensity, and soon it began to rain in earnest. We were both drenched to the skin. As it pelted down on us, we took off running for shelter. We waited for the rain to let up as we stood, dripping, under out new found refuge. Rivulets of water ran down my face and collected on my already soaking shirt. My ponytail dripped onto my back. When it trickled to a drizzle, John and I made a dash for home. We still had quite a stretch of ground to cover, and the heavens opened up once again as we pressed onwards.

We arrived at our hut drenched from head to toe, chilled, with mud-caked feet. And it was oh so wonderful to be home. Home, where the lights dance like flickering candles to welcome us. Home, where the fan awaits to dry out our wetness. Home, where our bed sits invitingly, cozy with sheets and pillows and blankets. I was glad to be back, safe and dry from the storm outside.

Fairy Tree: #2

There is a particular tree here on the land that is absolutely enchanting. Every night, as dusk settles, the tree begins to sparkle with lights. In the darkness, tiny glowing lights hover around it's leafy foliage. Like a fairy haven, the umbrella tree is filled with fireflies. They gather round the treetop and dazzle us each night.

We all refer to it as the 'fairy tree.' It both captivates and sparks imagination. I have never seen anything like it. God's wonders never cease to amaze.

See the Birdies: #1

I am posting a series of selected journal entries here on the blog, and numbering them as I go along. They are collection of short stories, musings, observations, and happenings, and I do hope you enjoy them.

I broke John Langham's door. Busted it right off the hinges. It all started after dinner tonight when John Langham invited me to his hut to see his new birds. He warned me to be quiet, as they would be sleeping, and then he and my husband headed off to return the ambulance to the clinic. This left me all alone to satisfy my curiosity. It was dark, and the sole light emanated from the porch lamp, so I navigated through the darkness by the glow of my cell phone flashlight. I stood on the threshold and lifted my hand to the doorknob. I twisted it in my palm, and though the handle turned, the door didn't budge. Not one inch. I concluded that the humidity had caused the wood door to swell, and decided to put my weight into moving the door open by force. Turning the knob once more, I heaved myself at the wooden panel. Stuck. Undeterred, I doubled my efforts and shoved with all my might. I wanted to see those birds.

I felt the door give way, but instead of swinging open, it began to tilt down on top of me. The tiny screws that held the hinges had all come out at once, and suddenly I was trapped - attempting to hold the door up and keep myself from being crushed beneath its weight. As I struggled to wedge the door back into the frame, it crossed my mind that John was playing a nasty trick on me. Sending me up to his place, alone, in the dark, to "see the birds," after having booby trapped the his door. And I fell for it...

In the midst of these thoughts, I had managed to squeeze the door back in the frame, and then I ventured inside to take a peek at John's birds. They were nestled together, sleeping, and one had its head tucked beneath it's wing. They were very sweet. John had built the cage himself, and it was an intricate piece of art. I left the birds to their peaceful slumber and shut the unhinged door as best I could before I shot John a text. "What's with your door?"

It turned out that he didn't prank me. Both John's were surprised that I had managed to bust out the door. All in a day's work.

Stability

Balancing cares that are not my own
Taking on added responsibility
Evidence now of how I have grown
Into a role that was not mine naturally
I begin to relish the challenge
Juggling gifting with insecurity
Leaning upon the one truth I know
You are my anchor, my stability

Placing one foot forward, tentatively
Gently lifting the second behind
Thoughts wander, I wobble shakily
'Til I focus and sharpen my mind
Rememb'ring the words you said to me
Resounding echoes deep in my soul
Suddenly granting me clarity
Before my cares start to take their toll

I know You won't let my foot slip
Off this narrow path on which I travel
It may seem as though I'm losing my grip
Yet somehow I will not unravel
I'm holding onto something precious
I have found the pearl of great price
Though my life may be precarious
I shall follow Your loving advice

Please help my eyes see the beauty
When all I can see is despair
Give me strength to stop the cruelty
When I am tempted to not even care
Help me to seek humilty
To turn and seek Your face
In the eyes of the broken and weary
The people who need Your grace

I am not just free-falling
I am not just dust in the wind
I heard Your voice and Your calling
My spirit has been quickened
My eyes have now been opened
Your truth is very revealing
I will go wherever you send
And I will not be unfeeling
I will follow You to the End.

In Moderation

The aroma of freshly brewed coffee beans beckon me, luring me invitingly to sip a mug of creamy goodness. In Manila, I discovered The Coffee Bean & The Tea Leaf, and I now prefer it over Starbucks. Quality roast coffee for a better price, and with a classy atmosphere that is comfortably balanced with a laid back feeling, all combine to make the Bean & Leaf the coffeehouse of my choice. Their white chocolate dream latte is sublime. I enjoy leisurely mornings with my husband over a steaming hot cup of coffee.

Most of you are already aware of my love of coffee. In the States, especially when I was in college, I could hardly get through a day without my morning brew. I have since reduced my coffee intake, and now that I am in the Philippines my coffee cravings are still going strong. Our hospitable neighbors possess a Starbucks french press, and the resulting flavor is very rich and smooth. I have not been deprived of my favorite indulgence here in Olongapo.

Unfortunately, I have come to the realization that coffee, while still absolutely delicious and satisfying, is not beneficial to me. It dehydrates me, and since arriving in the Philippines, I have had to double my efforts to stay hydrated. As much as I love coffee, I will have to limit myself in order to stay healthy. C'est la vie... If only I loved water as much as my dark brew.

So the next time I visit a coffeehouse, it will make the cup all the sweeter as I will be anticipating the flavors to roll over my tongue. You can bet that I will savor the smells, the warmth of the mug in my hands, and the sensation and taste of the white chocolate dream latte. Some things in life are not necessary, but they sure do give it more pizazz.

coffee bean & the tea leaf

Pushing Higher

As a child, I loved to swing. I would pump ever higher, always wishing that somehow, some way, I could touch that bit of cloud far out in the big blue yonder. I wanted to dance in the sky, and swinging brought me as close as I had ever been. There was something exhilarating about swinging.

I am older now, and I do not swing as often any more. There are times, however, that I reminisce, and I occasionally seek out a playground in search of my old familiar favorite. Life can seem so simple as I methodically pump, falling up, falling down. Closing my eyes, I feel the rush of air and imagine soaring upwards, into the sky.

I recall the days when my little legs did not yet possess the strength to pump me on their own. It was then that my father would push me from behind. I remember the joy and the laughter, as he would cause me to burst into giggles when he would give me his special 'underdogs.' He was always there for me, keeping me in motion. Eventually, he taught me how to swing on my own.

Christ is like my father in the sense that He quietly under-girds me, steadily pushing me when I do not have the strength. And when the time comes, He watches me from a distance as I learn to 'swing' on my own.

Lately, it seems as though I have been swinging often. Jesus has equipped me and John as well, and we have had to do our share of pumping. We are exercising our muscles and strengthening our legs, and we are discovering how to go the distance. And I know that Jesus is supporting us as we push higher. Further up, and further in... Onwards and upwards, for the glory of Christ.

image credit

Impressions

I have been thinking about knowledge. I yearn to know things, truth absolutely, and yet sometimes this hunger for knowledge takes me to the edge. Sometimes I delve too deep, and find out truth, but a truth that pains me. And once I know, I cannot not know. It is as though the knowledge impresses itself into my mind, and I cannot unimpress or dislodge the information.

Gnawing inside
Yearning to truly know
Even if the knowing brings pain

Reaching further
Searching for the truth
Even if the truth is cruel

Sinking realization
Evidence of my fears
Impressed upon my being

Sweet release
Burden takes on wings
Embraced by my Savior

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. [Romans 12:1-3]

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. [Philippians 4:8]

Sometimes, the impressions of knowledge leave scars. Though they heal, the scar remains. I think about Christ, who bore the weight of all of the sins of the world, past, present, and future. I think of the burden that He bore, and I know that my Savior bore that burden for me. For all of us. He was scarred, battered, bruised, tortured that we might have life. This is an impression of knowledge, and it is a wonderfully painful one. It was because of His great love that He gave, and paid such a price. It is an awesome thing to comprehend.

A Glimpse

I compiled several scenic shots that I have snapped during our time here in Olongapo and Subic Bay, Philippines, in order to give you a glimpse into the sights that greet our eyes daily. You can see for yourselves how very beautiful our surroundings are. God created great beauty, and it is so awesome for me to be here and to see His artistry on display.

Nothing Compares

Now that my husband and I have taken up residence in Olongapo, Philippines, I have truly experienced real rainfall. Back at home in the Midwest of the US, we had our share of rainshowers and April showers and rainfall, but it is nothing like this. Umbrellas have become a necessity. Which makes for a lot of fun for me, because I love umbrellas. Their shape, their functionality, and the fact that they keep me dry-ish in the midst of torrential downpour is nothing short of a small blessing.

I have also been reflecting and musing, since I have been under the weather these past few days and have some down time. I have thought a lot about Jim Elliot's words, words that have always rung true for me, but now they mean something more than before.

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.

You may be wondering, and rightly so, what umbrellas and rain have to do with such a deep and insightful quote as his, but I am a rambling writer so bear with me please. We have only been in country for one month but even in this short period of time I am realizing how very blessed even the less fortunate of Americans really are. I am coming to an understanding that I knew in my head prior to leaving, but seeing it in front of me brings it closer to home.

Our team of volunteers live on a mountainside surrounded by a scenic lush green view and filled with wonderfully fresh air. There is a river that flows by at the base of the property. Our CR, or bathroom, is at the bottom of the mountain, and it is a steep climb down a set of stairs hewn into mud and set with large rocks for support. We have an open kitchen and dining room, and we live in one-room huts. It is a simple, basic set-up. We cook using a double burner gas stove, have no refrigerator, no stove, and no dishwasher. In America, these appliances are almost taken for granted. There is not air-conditioning in our huts, but we have fans hooked up. Our essentials are all available, and we have come to enjoy the simplicity of our life here. There is something absolutely marvelous about waking up to our scenic view every morning.

There are people here in Olongapo who live in the city landfill. They sort through garbage to find items that can be cashed in and recycled. In the heat of the day, flies swarm in a black cloud and settle on everything. The people live in pieced together shanties. And they are some of the sweetest, most contented people I have ever met. When the wind and rains come, they batter down the hatches, and after the storms, they find new scraps to patch the damage.

Our earthly possessions pass away. Whatever 'status' they give us here, they mean absolutely nothing in the sense of eternity. In Matthew 6, Jesus talks about a lasting treasure:

Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:

But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. [Matthew 6:18-20]

And Peter echoes his sentiment:

That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:

Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:

Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls. [1 Peter 1:7-9]

I do not feel deprived for having given up everything I had back in the States. I do not regret our decision to come to Olongapo and help Mercy In Action. The day I became a Christ follower, I denounced everything else, and I can honestly say that nothing else compares to the greatness of knowing Him. So with Jim Elliot, I too will give what I cannot keep to gain that what I cannot lose. In the last book of the Bible, in the final chapter, it reads:

He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son. [Revelation 21:7]

So maybe I lived under an 'umbrella' in the states in the sense that I was sheltered from hardship and had a plethora of possessions. And now, in a sense, that umbrella has been lifted. I may not have as much here as I did there, but I am the richer for it. Christ has opened up my heart to love even more. That is the funny thing about love, it keeps expanding. Just when you think you have reached the limit, you see a whole new level and come to realize that it is limitless. This is the love of Christ, and it knows no bounds.

And so we are pressing onwards and upwards to the high calling of Jesus Christ on the path that He has shown us. My husband and I set off on this journey together, and we do not know where we will wind up. But we do know this, that we are following Christ, and we desire to honor him above anything else. To whatever end.

Overflow

Thank you all for giving so generously to the Mercy in Action clinic! Baby hats, receiving blankets, medical supplies, and more have been donated and gathered to send off with us. Just this morning I packed a suitcase full of donations for the maternity clinic. We greatly appreciate your prayers and support. Love to you all, and many sincere thanks!

So True

I bought a journal today. Not just any journal, but one that has a bit of vintage flair, yellowed pages, with drawings and quotes on each page. I love being inspired to write. John mandated that each of us take along a journal to write down our memories during our time in the Philippines, and I am already filling up the empty pages with scribbles. For that is what I am, a scribbler.

I was excited to find a lovely quote on the inside cover of the journal. So enthralled that I am copying it so you too can read the words:

This is my journey, but I'm not alone
Courage is my companion.
Peace is my guide.
God is my refuge.
Friends are my fortress.
It is along the road
to where I'm going
that I discover who I am...
and I find to be
So True

The Knowing

A dear friend of mine, another literature lover, posted this passage. And I have read it, and re-read it, for I was struck by it. I have not yet had the pleasure of reading this book, but after allowing the words to sink in, I may have to hunt down a copy and explore it's pages myself. Out of All the King's Men:

It was always that way. There was the bulge and the glitter, and there was the cold grip way down in the stomach as though somebody had laid hold of something in there, in the dark which is you, with a cold hand in a rubber glove. It was like the second when you come home late at night and see the yellow envelope of the telegram sticking out from under your door and you lean to pick it up, but don't open it yet, not for a second. While you stand there in the hall, with the envelope in your hand, you feel there's an eye on you, a great big eye looking straight at you and dark and through walls and houses and through your coat and vest and hide and sees you huddled up way inside, in the dark which is you, inside yourself, like a clammy, sad little foetus you carry around inside yourself. The eye knows what's in the envelope, and it is watching you to see you when you open it and know, too. But the clammy little foetus which is you way down in the dark which is you too lifts up its sad little face and its eyes are blind, and it shivers cold inside you for it doesn't want to know what is in that envelope. It wants to lie in the dark and not know, and be warm in its not-knowing. The end of man is knowledge, but there is one thing he can't know. He can't know whether knowledge will save him or kill him. He will be killed, all right, but he can't know whether he is killed because of the knowledge which he got or because of the knowledge which he hasn't got and which if he had it, would save him. There's the cold in your stomach, but you open the envelope, you have to open the envelope, for the end of man is to know.

~Robert Penn Warren, All the King's Men

Like Adam and Eve, like Pandora and her box, we want to know, even if it kills us. I thought it poignant piece.

Take Me Into the Beautiful

I can't get enough of this song. Each time I hear it, I long to hear it again and again...I have only just heard of the group, Cloverton, and I love the rich melody. The lead singer's voice reminds me of ThirdDay's Mac Powell, and the emotion expressed through his voice is wonderful. So now I'm sharing my find with all of you readers. Tell me what you think! Enjoy the music:

April Showers

It is that time of year again, when the earth is shaking off the effects of winter's chill and spreading greenery and blooms across it's face. Spring always seemed like a time of renewal to me. So fresh, so beautiful. Out of the crevices of tree stumps pop tiny, delicate flowers with upturned faces basking in the sunlight. I enjoy finding these beauties in my camera lens, and decided to post a few of my favorites here for your viewing pleasure {the upload quality is not very good, so I apologize...}

Flower Girl

Close My Eyes

Love this song. Absolutely. Such talent and passion flowing from the voices making the melody. Simply had to share this with all of you.

Glorious Pages

I have embarked into another tale. The Thirteenth Tale, to be precise. And it is pulling me in, hook, line, and sinker. The words are washing over me, and I am giving them ample time to settle into my mind. The thoughts inside these pages are profound. Take, for example, this exerpt:

"I shall start at the beginning. Though of course the beginning is never where you think it is. Our lives are so important to us that we tend to think the story of them begins with our birth. First there was nothing, then I was born....Yet that is not so. Human lives are not pieces of string that can be separated out from a knot of others and laid out straight. Families are webs. Impossible to touch one part of it without setting the rest vibrating. Impossible to understand one part without having a sense of the whole."

Magnificent. So deep, and so true. Who we are is intertwined and entangled with the lives of those in our family. Their decisions affect us, sometimes directly, other times indirectly. Almost as though our lives are woven together.

I am enjoying this book, so much so that I am attempting to read it slowly that I may savour the words and the story. It is so wonderful to be able to love what one reads...

Heart Cries Out

blue | grey | green

How do I feel about going to the Philippines? I have been trying to sort it all out, and I have had time to reflect on it a bit. I feel blue, and grey, and green.

Blue, because blue seems to me to be a hopeful color. It stretches on and on and on like the sea, and upwards like the sky. Though some say blue is sad, I beg to differ, for sad is...

Grey. When I feel saddish, I feel grey, not blue. Leaving for the Philippines is bittersweet for me, because of all the people that I am leaving behind. I love them so dearly that I hate to think of spending a year without them. However, it is hard to be too glum because I feel ...

Green, bursting with life and color. To me, green represents my excitement. I have always longed to travel, and this is the perfect chance for me and John to go abroad. See new faces, explore new places, and make new friendships.

A mix of emotions. Blue, and grey, and green, the colors of the sea. And I can't wait to see what lies in store for us. Christ is leading, and we are following, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Our Blog

We have it at last! Our very own domain name ... johnandkelsey.com . Please peruse the pages! It is still a work in progress, but our Philippines updates will be posted there. Much love to all!!!

{ Great Adventure }

For those of you who have not yet been informed of the impending changes, my husband and I are going to pack up and head out on a great adventure. We are leaving the States and will be making our residence in Olongapo, Philippines. After much prayer and consideration, we felt Christ leading us to help an organization [ Mercy In Action ]. This adventure has been in the works for some time. When I married John, I knew I would travel the world with him. It was merely a matter of time and opportunity.

Then opportunity knocked on our door. Mercy In Action purchased property in Olongapo, and they are now in the process of setting up a maternity clinic. John and I are going to help construct their clinic and a bunkhouse, as well as plant a garden and minister to the Filipino people.

Christ has taken our journey a step further. He planted this desire to help in many hearts, and our little team of two has grown into a team of ten. Besides John and myself, eight other people have volunteered to accompany us to Olongapo. We are very excited at the prospects. It has been amazing to see Christ at work in bringing our group together.

We would greatly appreciate your prayers in this time of preparation. Just yesterday, we purchased our tickets. Our official date of departure is June 2nd, 2011, and it is fast approaching. Our fellow team members are Miriam, Elizabeth, John, Levi, Jake, Jared, Orissa, and Miji. Please keep us all in your prayers! We are going to be launching a website, johnandkelsey.com, in the near future with more information if you want to follow our progress. I'm sure I will post more on here from time to time as well...

As it is a maternity clinic, we will each be taking along an extra piece of luggage filled with supplies. If you would like to donate, Mercy In Action would greatly appreciate the following items:

• Baby hats & receiveing blankets {knitted, crocheted, or storebought, these help to keep newborn babies warm during cold nights}
• Prenatal & Multi-vitamins {to give to expecting mothers}
• Red Raspberry Leaf Tea
• Gloves {sterile & non-sterile}
• Guaze Pads
• Shepherd's Purse
• Cord clamps
• IV Tubing & Needles
• 1cc & 3cc Syringes
• Sutures
• K-Y Jelly
• Chux Underpads
• Goldenseal capsules
• Iron Pills
• Alfalfa Tablets

Feel free to contact me with any questions, as I would love to answer them! I will try to keep you up-to-date with the developments as they transpire.

You Can't Take it With You...

I have been to Goodwills more than once, but tonight was the first time I have ever set foot in a Goodwill Outlet. Bins stretched across the length of the building, filled with stuff that people had cast off, articles that even Goodwill didn't want. And people loaded their carts with it, and took it home. Where it will be put to use, but in most cases, will probably sit around until someone purges it from the house.

I had a grand time with my husband, friends, and family, as we set forth with a list of items in hand. We embarked on a scavenger hunt, marking off our checklist as we rummaged through the plastic basins. When our time was up, it was interesting to see what people found, and in what shape the words we were searching for took shape in the items we had scavenged.

As we prepared to leave, I scanned the empty warehouse. So much stuff. And what doesn't sell will wind up in a dumpster, eventually filling some forsaken trash heap out in the middle of nowhere in particular. Stuff is not really made to last. And in the end, you can't take it with you. All that people strive to accumulate, wealthy or poor, it all comes down to the same thing in the end. We came into this world with nothing, and that is exactly how we leave it. No stuff.

I suppose it was just a vivid picture for me, as I surveyed all of the cast of mounds of things. Value the people and relationships in your life, and leave a legacy behind. That is so much more lasting. It is worth the time and effort.

Pure Talent

I do not watch much TV, but there was one show that caught my interest this past year. Sing-Off was a breath of fresh air, showcasing talented singers who performed in front of a live audience and a panel of judges. Unlike American Idol, these groups of singers belted out their melodies old school style: acapella. This form of singing leaves the performers nothing to hide behind, giving them a platform to display their pure talent.

And what an incredible pool of talent. It was truly a joy to listen to the voices blend together in such diverse arrangements. For a lover of music, the Sing-Off was rich with real, honest-to-goodness talent. My favorite piece from the whole season was the contestants' rendition of Use Somebody. I crank it up in my car as I commute to work, and it never fails to give me chills as the song crescendos to it's climax.



My favorite group performance was Committed's arrangement of Apologize. Their harmonies are so incredibly melodic. I was blown away...

And the group with the most creative, carefree, and completely fun arrangement, would hands down be Street Corner Symphony's Down on the Corner. Classic.

To sum up, it was classy. Clean, classy, and fresh, Sing-Off season two was memorable and enjoyable. It was great to discover that there is still some quality floating around on television.

His Symphony

To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never ... this is my symphony. {William Henry Channing}

A friend of mine shared this quote, and I love the sentiment reflected in the words. I echo Channing - could hardly have said it better myself.

I have never liked pretenses. There are times when I wish that we could all take off the masks that we cling to so tightly. Who are we fooling, anyhow? Why not live life to the fullest, to be content in all things, take the time to drink in the details, and slow down, hurry never?

I wonder why so many people strive to become someone other than themselves. By that, I mean attempting to mold themselves into the person they think others wish them to be, rather than reaching their full potential. I think we shortchange ourselves, and this is disheartening. Quiet people do not usually give voice to their thoughts, for fear of being called a fool. Instead they hold their tongue, and never speak.

I was guilty of this. But I have put it behind me, and overcome my fears. While not an extrovert by any means, I am no longer afraid of what people think of me. And it has made such a difference in my life. Each of us have our own fears to overcome, our own battles to fight. It was Christ who helped me fight mine, and I have never been so free as I am now. It is because of Him that I can echo Channing's sentiment. Because of Jesus, I can join His symphony.

Just Balmy

I love Brooke Fraser's voice. Soothing and silky smooth. Her talent shines in her new album, Flags, and I love the upbeat arrangements. I'm sharing her acoustic and official video here because I really enjoyed watching the way she performed the song live. I get the impression that Brooke loves music. Just like her former albums, Flags promises to be filled with Brooke's unique flair. Enjoy!

Ever Hopeful

I took the time to finish my book. Catching Moondrops is yet another gem; the truest gem of the series, in my opinion. Jennifer Valent has captured a conflicted soul, one who knows the good but has yet to embrace it, struggling to be rid of the bitterness and hate within. In her own words:

I knew I couldn't live like this. Not like this. My conscience would eat me up inside until there was nothing left of me. I needed peace in my soul like I needed water, and I was afraid I'd dry up and die if I didn't find it.

In my mind, a sort of chant started. 'I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't live like this. I can't.' I lifted my face to the heavens and cried out loud, "I can't!"

And then clear as a bell, I knew who could.

I'd heard it a million times before ... But it hadn't ever meant a single thing to me. Until this night, mired in the bleakness of my soul, with the moonlight illuminating my murky heart. That's when it all suddenly went inside me like it had sunk into my pores and found its way into my bloodstream.

I tipped my face upward and whispered one word. "Please."

It was the most important little word I'd ever said. It was a word I'd used a million times in my life, but it had never held so much meaning before in all my days.

Redemption. I never tire of reading about hopeless hearts being filled with hope. This book resonated with me, because the themes within it's pages have depth to them. The characters deal with loss, love, and life in the real world. Though a work of fiction, Valent strikes a chord with readers because the world that she paints mirrors the one that we all live in. There is evil and darkness, but there is also goodness and light. It is because of the light of Christ that we do not fall into utter darkness. It is because of Him that there is always hope.

I caught a brilliant moondrop, and I highly recommend that you find yours. The final installment of Valent's trilogy shines brightly, perhaps the brightest of the three.

When God enters a heart, He opens the eyes ... And as I sat there in that swing, holding on to the ropes, I breathed in the true goodness of all I'd had and hoped there was lifetime of that type of goodness ahead so I could enjoy it all to the fullest.

image credit

Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head

The sound of splashing raindrops is falling upon my ears. It awoke me this morning, and when my eyes adjusted to the dim, grey light, I welcomed the gloomy dreariness. These rainy days make for contemplative reflections.

Some find days like today depressing, but they are looking at it with the wrong perspective. Over the years, I have come to appreciate the grey days almost as much as the bright ones, for when the sun comes out I know it will shine all the brighter. Like as not, a rainbow will arch across the sky when the clouds have let up.

There is a beauty to rain drenched days. I find the rhythmic pattering of raindrops soothing. And I find that the strangest thoughts will pop into my head, such as, who among us would desire the task of watering the entire earth? Was it not generous and kind of God to provide the world with a system that replenishes the earth with water?

If all that you can see is grey
Let me ease the mask away
For under the surface you will find
All of the color to which you were blind
Though it is hiding beneath the haze
You should seek beauty in rainy days

Peering in closer to see past the gloom
Lovely red roses are fully in bloom
Glittering orbs grace the petals like glass
There truly is beauty around you en masse.
If you only take the time to find
Delight in the details, open your mind.

image credit

Wonder of it All

Frigid
My breath rises before me
Breathe in, breathe out

Silent
Not even a piercing chirp
Solitude, emptiness

Beauty
Dazzling prisms like diamonds
Sparkle, glittering

Gently
My boots crunch over the snow
Leaving footprints

Spinning
I gaze at the scene around me
Dizzying, brilliant

Breathless
I rest beneath a sheltering pine
And I am amazed at the wonder of it all.

image credit

Only the Beginning

I thought I knew what love was,
But it seems I have much to learn
This heart of mine expands for you each day

And I think I am starting to understand
That I could never love you near enough
This love between us is still growing deeper

There are no words to write
They fall short
There is nothing I could say
To express
You have taken this heart
I am yours

And I can see it in your eyes
A reflection of your heart
You speak volumes without words

You don't have to write me poems
They fall short
You don't have to speak out
To express
I know I've captured your heart
You are mine

He is drawing us ever closer
He is knitting our hearts
And our whole lives are before us now...

Same but Different

Recently, my brother took me to task at the neglect of this blog. Truth be told, it has not been a priority as of late, and I have pushed 'Bits & Pieces' to the back burner. It isn't that my creativity has dried up completely - rather, that it has found other outlets.

After my wedding on October 10th, 2010, my life as I knew it changed. And I could not be happier. It is as though my joy is overflowing. In the months following my union to my husband, I have begun a new routine.

And so, to anyone out there who happens to glance at this rambling blog from time to time, I do apologize for neglecting to post. It has been a great outlet for me, a place for me to jot down reflective pieces every now and again. I hope to pick up on blogging again soon. This entry is serving as an explanation, I suppose.

For now, I shall say, 'so long, farewell,' and I hope to return again soon!